关于友谊

看似坚不可摧的友谊，有些时候只是表象，任凭任何一点波动就会就地瓦解；而看似淡如水的老友，或许一直在背后默默地看着你，支持着你，在你最需要的时候毫不犹豫的冲出来，让你觉得自己因为各种原因没有多联系一些而自觉脸红。

A seemingly unbreakable friendship may just fall apart with the tiniest bit of shake, while a water-insipid friendship may offer you someone who looks after you, support you and unhesitatingly rushing to help you in your times of need, making you blush for not have been connecting often enough.

我是个嫉恶如仇、多愁善感的人。不知是因为喜欢写作才造就了这样的性格，还是这样的性格让自己很爱将心绪抒发到字里行间。我知道，我太过天真，想学所谓的出淤泥而不染自命清高，实际上却是涉世未深乳臭未干。从小的家教，把忠诚、诚实、忍让与谦逊深植在心里，可直到自己因为各种情况、原因、遭际而爆发，才发现，父母曾经不断教授我的，我并没有完全学会。

I’m such an evil-detesting, sentimental person. Whether it’s the passion for writing helped mold this character, or the character enabled me to express myself through words, I don’t know. I do know, that I’m way to naïve, too self-righteously trying to keep clean from any contamination, but rather too shallow in the experience of life and society. My parents had sculpted deep in me with, loyalty, honesty, forbearance and humbleness, which I realized that I failed to truly grasp after the explosion to the situations, causes and circumstances.

作为一个东北人，我继承了父亲的暴脾气，母亲的直肠子，但是，印象里的父母，是村里很受人欢迎，从不交恶的“老好人”。自己曾经不懂为什么这对成天吵架的“两口子”，却总会在需要的时候有朋友帮上一把。直到自己身边的朋友有也在我需要的时候出现，我才发现，父母曾经教给我的，是那么的受用，才理解，他们可能并没有我的学历，却有着我一生或难累积出的沉淀。

As a Chinese from the Northeast, I inherited father’s temper and mother’s frankness. However, being as they are, they are not unwelcome at all. To exaggerate a little, they are everyone’s friends. I used to find it confusing how this couple who fight on a daily basis could find help when in need. That’s until it happened to me myself. Until then, did I realize that what I was taught was so useful, and did I understand that they deposit an amount of wisdom that I may never accumulate through a life time, with the degree I got over them.

关于友谊，可能不如许多经历了世故的长者们理解得透彻深刻，但我所经历的友谊仍然有起有伏，虽然不多，却都很让自己花了好些时间彻底放下。与我的父母不同，我总觉得自己是个孤独的人——认识多年的老友们，没有事情并不怎么相互联系；在派对酒吧认识的新“朋友”们，几乎没有人会再次约我；多人一起的时候，我真的像《洋葱》里唱的那样在角落里笑得合群，却并没有参与……培根论说文集中的那篇《论友谊》并没有怎么看懂（内容其实跟我所讲的关系不大），但开首那句“喜欢孤独的人不是野兽便是神灵”却让我莫名触动——我不是野兽，也不是神灵，因为，我惧怕孤独。

On the topic of friendship, I probably can’t be as incisive and deep as many experienced elders. My friendships are somehow still filled with ups and downs, however few there are of them, and they all cost me a great deal of time to move on from. Unlike my parents, I regard myself as a man of solitude—without any concerned matter, those old friends won’t really contact me; new “friends” met at parties seldom ask me to hang out again; and even in a crowd of people, I’m the one left alone in the corner, pretending to be smiling when I’m not really any part of the chatting… I wouldn’t say I understood the essay “Of Friendship” by Francis Bacon (which isn’t really relating to what I’m talking about right now), but I am touched by the quote in the first sentence—”whatsoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god.”—I’m neither a wild beast nor a god, for I’m afraid of solitude.

一个在我生命里有过很重要经过的人曾反驳我说：你并不是没有朋友，只是你不愿意付出精力培养友谊。我们曾经就这个问题辩论争吵，而我至今仍不理解——那些几天不会回消息，或是路遇装作不认识的人，为什么值得我付出精力培养所谓的友谊？那些因故在派对开始前知会缺席却在酒吧撞见的人，我到底怎样才能避免尴尬的招呼？还有那些更喜欢跟“老外”交流口语，却对我爱理不理的人，会怎么看待我不断的“骚扰”？这个反复出现在我们的对话中的论题，最终终止了那一段“友谊”。因为在我需要那一句“没关系，你还有我”的时候，收到的回复却是“你太消极”。

Someone who had an important role in my life once refuted me: “you don’t lack friends. You just aren’t making enough effort to nourish them.” We used to argue on it, only I’m still having a hard time to understand—why does it worth my effort to nourish a friendship with someone who doesn’t reply my messages for days or pretend not to know me encountered on street? How am I going to avoid the awkwardness greeting the people who excused themselves right before a party starts, but was found in a bar afterwards? What would my “harassment” be like to the people who are more interested in the English practice with foreigners than talking to me? This repeated topic finally started the end of our “friendship”, when I needed “it’s OK, you got me” and got “you are too passive” instead.

我可能的确是“太消极”了，周围那些负面的因素总觉得挥之不去。然而，被忽略的那些“淡如水”，虽然会在需要的时候止渴，却实在无法填充需要兴奋与关怀的空洞。我太理想主义，期待的友谊总是那种美剧中近乎俗套的，过度彩排的亲密（没有足够的时间练习，那样的默契是绝对做不到）。迷恋喜剧，因为每个故事里那一群人，总是难得的可以组合在一起，又难得的真诚亲近。看的太认真地时候，觉得自己就是他们中的一员，跟他们一起哭一起笑，一起经历一切的经历。只是越是当真，越被现实冷的激灵。这可能就是我的“消极”情绪吧。

I may be “too passive”, finding myself surrounded by all those passive factors. Those water-insipid friendships can be helpful in times of need, but can’t fill the void needing excitement and care. I’m way too idealistic. My depiction of an ideal friendship is the corny type of American TV friendship, with the intimacy looking so overly rehearsed (true that only by committing enough time in practice can the absolute tacit understanding be acquired). I love American TV comedy, because of the abnormal combination of the group of people in each story, and their genuine and intimacy. Sometimes, I got too serious with the story, lost in it feeling like part of the cast, sharing their tears, their laughter, and their experience. The seriousness only highlights the quiver in the coldness of reality. This might as well be my “passive” emotions.

另一个很重要的人说：你总是推开真正在乎你的人，自己却又去承受自己造成的痛苦。我其实挺同意。不然怎样呢？让在乎我的人痛苦吗？子弹来时，我定会挡在前面，这并不高尚，仅仅是忠诚。我不介意你们抛下我在原地慢慢死去，因为所应承受的，在我挡到前面的时候，已经了解，我会说留下，可只有离去才不会让这身躯壳白白浪费。但这又是极自私的行为，因为我强行推倒你面前的理性的决定，却是那么的不理性。这可能就是我的“消极”思维吧。

Another very important friend said: you always push away those who truly cares about you, but suffer the pain it created you. I don’t disagree. What else can I do? Let them suffer instead of me? I will stand before them when bullets come. It’s not an act of noble but pure loyalty. I don’t mind being left stranded dying there, for I know what I was going to suffer before taking the action. Stay, as I would say, yet leaving is the only way to not waste my sacrifice. This action of mine is yet the most selfish, for the rational decision I forced before you, doesn’t seem rational at all. This might as well be my “passive” logic.

我太贪婪，不能接受如水的平淡，渴望在不需要的时候，一样的丰富热烈。我不肯接受那二十分钟的喜剧背后浓缩的一周的简单。这其实又有什么错呢，一个人八十几年的人生，又有几个青春能容许空洞乏味来消耗我们的时间？那种一颗心换另一颗心的友谊，并不是刺激，而是充实。那二十分钟的喜剧里，不仅仅是一遍又一遍的排演成就的完美关系，也存在太多这样那样的瑕疵与失误。甚至，不经意之间，故事就会结束，最长的故事也不过十几年。可是我们为什会去看？因为我们向往。因为我们需要。因为我们“贪婪”。

I am too greedy, not satisfied with the insipid water. I want the rich enthusiasm even when there is nothing exciting. I can’t stay with the week-after-week plainness behind the twenty-minute comedy. Also, what’s so wrong about it? A life of about eighty years doesn’t have enough youth for one to waste time in hollow and dullness. A heart for a heart, is for a friendship about fulfillment, not stimulation. A twenty-minute comedy doesn’t just rehearse the perfect relationship, but also the flaws and mistakes. It may just finish without you noticing, at the point where it reaches just over a decade. Why are we still watching it then? Because we aspire; because we need it; because we are greedy.

关于友谊，我可能还是那么的天真，那么的单纯，那么的乳臭未干。

About friendship, I’m probably still that naïve, that innocent, and that shallow.